The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation, 5 N. Main Street, Webster
www.reconciliationweb.org

Mary Magdalene was grief stricken.  She went to the tomb to anoint the body of her Lord, and she found nothing.  It was bad enough that they tortured and killed him, but now his body was gone, too.  She had hoped for one last opportunity to be with him, to be able to look upon his face, and touch his hands one last time, and now that was not to be.

Much has been written about Mary Magdalene, and most of it has been slanderous.  In the days of the early Roman church, in an effort to keep women in their place (and away from Holy Orders), she was called a woman of sin—one of those cast off hangers-on that Jesus seemed to collect.  Some modern day writers have tried to contrive a romance between Jesus and Mary.  Their twisted reasoning is simple:  no woman could love a man in this way and have it be platonic.  Their reasoning was twisted because they chose not to acknowledge the charisma of Jesus.  They did not understand that Mary loved him passionately, as did all the others who followed him, because he was the Son of God.  Making the relationship between Jesus and Mary sordid and pedestrian was much more fun to write about—and it definitely sold more books.

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)

5 North Main Street, Webster, MA
www.reconciliationweb.org

On Monday, the 11th, I will be heading to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, with my family for six days of vacation. I am very excited to be going. I've not spent much time out west, and I know that where we are going is one of the most beautiful places in the country, with some of the very best skiing as well. I used to downhill ski--though not very well--but I stopped about fifteen years ago when I fell and ended up with a slight concussion (that was before an adult wearing a helmet was considered the smart thing to do). So now, here I am, heading to one of the best places in the country for downhill skiing, and I am scared to death to try it again.

It is certainly a good thing for us to be cautious about those things that can hurt us physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. In those instances, fear can be a safe-guard to disaster. After all, God never told anyone to be stupid! However, as we are in the season of Lent, it is good for us to consider the things we fear that will not harm us, but rather represent challenges to us.

The Rev. Janice Ford
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)

5 North Main Street, Webster, MA www.reconciliationweb.org

Last week Christians everywhere celebrated Ash Wednesday, the official beginning of the church season of Lent which lasts forty days and ends with Easter.  When I was a child, I was told that I should give up something I enjoyed during Lent.  This was the way I could show God that I was truly sorry for my sins, and that I was willing to make some sacrifice to God for them.  As I got older I recall thinking that God probably didn’t care whether I gave up candy or gum for forty days as much as my dentist did.  As my faith grew, I began to realize that God was calling me—and everyone—to observe Lent a bit differently, and that is what I share with you now.

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
5 North Main Street, Webster, MA  01570
www.reconciliationweb.org

On June 7^th I will have been the Pastor in our parish for five years.  I think I was only in Webster for less than six months before I realized how much addiction plagues this small town.  Whether we are talking about drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, cigarettes or food, there seems to be a disproportionate amount of addiction for a town this size.  I realize that what I am writing here is not going to make me very popular.  However, if I continue to be silent regarding the addiction problems in Webster, I would hardly deserve to be called pastor.

I recall initially trying to figure out why there was so much addiction here.  How did it begin?  I talked to some of the “townies” and people in public positions.  No real answers emerged.  Granted, almost every town and city has trouble with such things “downtown.”  However, I soon realized that it wasn’t just a “downtown” problem.  Good people, living in good homes, with good jobs and good families were also living in the shadows of addiction.  In fact, many of them don’t even realize they are addicted.  Drinking to the point of drunkenness on a regular basis is considered the norm, right?  Smoking a little pot is harmless, right?  Going to the casino every weekend is entertainment, right?  Cigarette smoking and over-eating aren’t really addictions, right? And, as for sex, well, everybody’s doing it…right?

The truth about addiction involves more than just a spin on our moral compass.  It’s not about what makes one person more righteous than another.  It’s about the fact that addiction steals people’s lives—and sometimes, their souls.  I am the daughter of a man addicted to gambling, cigarettes and sex.  My father’s addictions ruined our family life, left us in poverty, and cost him his life at age 59.  My father was not a bad man, but his addictions led to a bad life—for our whole family.

Some addictions are physical—like drugs, alcohol, and nicotine.  Others are psychological like gambling, overeating, and sex.  Some are eventually both.  The feature all addictions share in common is that they stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain.  Addictions feel good.  Because they feel good, we use them to “self-medicate” when we are feeling stressed, or life seems out of control.  The trouble is that the addiction eventually steals our ability to have control over anything—mostly ourselves.  That’s why the first step of the AA Twelve Step Program is, “We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.”  We can substitute the word drugs, gambling, sex, cigarettes and overeating for the word alcohol, and the idea is still very true. 

There are volumes written about addiction by people more notable than I, and there is only so much I can fit in this column.  The point, however, is that the level of addiction in this town is stealing the lives of its citizenry, and it is long past time for us to take a serious look at it.  Because I am a priest and pastor, I suggest we start with the second step of the AA program; namely, “We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”  Whatever each of us perceives as the “Power greater than ourselves,” I suggest we reach out and make that connection.

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
5 North Main Street, Webster, MA
www.reconciliationweb.org

Several years ago I saw a woman on TV talking about the death of her 14-year- old daughter who had been riding in a car with the woman’s best friend and daughter.  The woman was apparently distracted by the radio and the chatter of the girls in the car.  She ran a stop sign.  There was a terrible collision, and the woman’s daughter was killed.  Though injured, the driver and her daughter survived. 

As we can all imagine, the mother’s grief was overwhelming at the loss of her daughter.  Her friend was also inconsolable, and she accepted complete responsibility for what happened.  She tried to apologize countless times, but the mother would not take her calls or see her.  She barred the friend from her daughter’s funeral.  She gave interviews on the TV news and other media saying that her now former friend was careless, irresponsible, and “a murderer.”
 

Where Can We Turn?

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation Episcopal
Webster, MA

What happened last Friday at Sandy Hook Elementary School has shaken us to our very core.  We are desperate to understand how this could happen, but we are equally desperate to determine how to deal with it.  In time we will know more about the young man who orchestrated this unspeakable horror, and we will be able to piece together the jagged puzzle of a life gone terribly wrong, but we will still be left to wonder how to make sense of this senseless tragedy. 

On September 11, 2001, our nation lost confidence in the security of its borders.  On December 14, 2012, our nation lost its innocence.  I am not just referring to the innocence of all the children at Sandy Hook Elementary.  I am referring to the loss of our nation’s belief that there were certain things that would never happen. 

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)

5 North Main Street, Webster, MA
www.reconciliationweb.org

Right about now most folks are absorbed in Christmas shopping.  Mind you, I said Christmas shopping, not gift giving.  This is not just a question of semantics.  There is a real difference.  Christmas shopping happens when we ask family members or close friends to “give a list” of what they would like, and then we go from store to store or website to website trying to find the best bargains.  Gift giving, however, happens when we take the time to consider our relationship with the person, and come up with a surprise that not only speaks to that relationship, but also demonstrates the time and effort we expended in coming up with just the right thing.

Now, granted, it is an age-old custom that children make lists to give to Santa in the hope that those special things will appear under the tree on Christmas morning.  The kind of Christmas shopping Santa must do in those instances is certainly appropriate.  My concern revolves around the gift exchange that happens among most adults.  Not only is the amount of money we spend on each person often adding to the ridiculous credit card debt we have amassed, but often there is very little thought given to coming up with the perfect gifts for those who mean so much to us.

Some might argue that giving someone something they want is every bit as thoughtful as giving them something we come up with on our own.  That may be true on occasion, but the reality is that most of the time it is easier to just go out and buy something asked for than it is to take the time and effort to find something on our own.

God is the perfect gift giver, but God is not Santa Claus.  Yes, God knows what we are asking for, and sometimes gives it to us, but more often than not, God is out there “shopping” for just the right thing for us.  This can be very frustrating and disappointing.  The gift is not what we expected or wanted.  We may feel that God is not paying attention and does not care about what we need.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Just as every good parent sees and knows what is best for his or her child, God sees and knows exactly what is best for us.

God has the advantage of seeing the “big picture” of our lives, and also knows the best ways to challenge us so that we can have opportunities for growth we may not otherwise have.  When we ask for something from God, and we do not receive it, we might want to spend some time considering why.  Would God have been present (no pun intended) in what we asked for?  Would what we are asking for cause someone else hardship or disruption in their life?  Is what we are asking for really a request for a miracle?

God’s time is limitless, and God’s perspective on our needs is unobstructed.  We need to trust that, when we do not receive what we ask for from God, God went shopping for just the right gift.  We need to say, “Thank you, Lord,” “try on” the gift, and then look in the mirror to see the reflection of how much better a person we can be.

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
Webster, MA

www.reconciliationweb.org

According to the Mayan calendar, the world will end on December 21.  Some people are really taking this seriously.  I recently received a call from a young woman asking me if I would baptize her daughter who was six months old.  Since the young woman was not a member of our parish, I asked her the usual round of questions regarding her desire to have her daughter baptized.  She then added, “You know, the world is going to end on December 21^st, and I don’t want my daughter to go to hell.”  Yikes!  In addition to the multiplicity of theological issues inherent in her comment, I was dumbstruck by the fact that this young woman actually believed the Mayan prediction.

What is interesting is that Jesus also dealt with the question of the end-of-time.  Jesus wanted his disciples to know that the world they knew would come to an end, and that God’s kingdom would come in its place.  However, Jesus also said that even he did not know when that would happen.  As Christians, it seems almost blasphemous for us to think that the ancient Mayans would know something Jesus did not. 

When Jesus spoke of the end times, he did so as a means to make two important points.  The first was that when the end time came, he would return and gather to himself both the living and the dead.  He wanted the disciples to understand that he would not abandon them (us).  The second point was that, until the end time came, what his followers (we) did here mattered a great deal.  He wanted them (us) to live in accordance with his teaching; that is, to bring the Kingdom of God—mercy, compassion and hope—to fruition in this world.  So, when Jesus spoke of the end times, he offered his disciples both a promise and a challenge.  Over the past two thousand years, that promise and challenge has been passed down to us.

Why did Jesus not know the exact time when the end would come?  We will never know with certainty the answer to that question, but if I may boldly offer a possible suggestion it is to say that it partly depends upon us.  If we can bring the Kingdom of God to this world by virtue of offering mercy, compassion and hope to everyone, then God will look at what we have done and say, “It is finished.”  That is when Jesus returns for us and keeps his promise. 

So the greater question may be whether we will ever be able to obtain the Kingdom of God here in this life.  I doubt that it will ever be done to perfection because we are so very flawed and subject to temptation.  However, I do think that it is possible for us to make such a valiant attempt that God will be pleased enough to send his Son to us once again.  Only the Creator God knows when that will happen--not even Jesus, and certainly not the ancient Mayans.

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation (Episcopal)
5 N. Main Street, Webster, MA

www.reconciliationweb.org

The month of November is primarily noted for three things:  remembering our dead; being thankful; and the traditional start of the holiday season.  I don’t know about you, but it’s the “being thankful” that is problematic for a lot of people right now.  Consider this:  our environment is becoming more and more fragile; we continue to experience extremes of weather—the kind that costs life and property; our economy continues to struggle; we are busier than ever, yet constantly complain about needing meaning in our lives; we are over-worked, over-weight, and over-stressed; we are dangerously disconnected from one another in spite of all the social networks we continue to invent; and for many people, God has become a dinosaur.

How can we ever be thankful when we are dealing with all this?  I have come to believe that gratitude is really only possible when it comes as a result of being resilient in the face of difficulty.  In other words, it is only because our lives are fraught with challenges, and sometimes outright tragedy, that we realize we are grateful for all the things that sustain us—our faith, family, and friends, and even the opportunities that arise out of those things that try to knock us down over and over again.

We would never be grateful for our health, had we never been sick.  We would never be grateful for water, had we never experienced thirst.  We would never be grateful for the beauty of the earth, had we never witnessed its destruction.  We would never be grateful for the lives of those around us, had we had never suffered the loss of someone we love.  It is in the experience of loss that we understand what it means to be truly grateful.  Often times just the thought of losing someone precious to us leads us to bless God for giving them to us. 

In this month traditionally set aside to express our gratitude for “the blessings in our lives,” we should also take a few minutes to also think about all the things that have happened for which we are NOT grateful.  That may seem a bit confusing, and maybe even undesirable, but I believe that such a “life review” might be quite revealing.  We may discover the reasons why we treasure the people we do, or why certain things are more important to us than others.  The greatest value in it, though, it may that it prompts us to realize we should express our gratitude to God and others for helping us to work through the most difficult times and events in our lives.

The Rev. Janice Ford, Rector
The Church of the Reconciliation
(Episcopal)5 North Main Street, Webster
www.reconciliationweb.org

It has been called the world’s “oldest profession.”  Prostitution by any other name is still as horrible a stain on the fabric of our society as ever.  Every few years or so, we are reminded of this in a dramatic way.  Most recently we have learned about a young woman in southern Maine who is accused of running a prostitution business out of her rented Zumba exercise studio.  As so often happens in situations like this, the young woman supposedly kept careful records of who paid her for sex.  Some of the names of these alleged “johns” have been published, and people are lining up to either defend the men, or bask in the glory of their very public sins.

What I find interesting is that there has been little public commentary on the young woman’s alleged prostitution itself.  Nearly everyone is focused on the men whose names have now been made public.  Recently, I saw a newspaper article that quoted Maine residents as saying things like, “I hope that people have short memories;”  “these men are victims of an invasion of privacy” (referring to the allegation that the woman videotaped the encounters); and, “now a public spectacle will be made of them.”  In other words, what we are hearing are primarily words of defense for the men who supposedly availed themselves of this young woman’s offer for paid sex.  Others cite the effects this publicity will have on the families of the men.  One woman said, “(publicizing) this could cause marriages to dissolve and men to lose their jobs. And the kids will suffer, too.”

Of course, there are people who find the entire matter distasteful and wrong, and some of them have made their views known as well.  However, the preponderance of commentary has been around the effect all this will have on the men.  I have yet to hear or read one comment regarding the young woman herself—good or bad.  I am led to wonder why.  Is it possible that most people in our culture today do not see prostitution as a blight on society—or, even more specifically, as a sin?  Is it possible that many see it as a “victimless crime,” or that “boys will be boys,” and we should just look the other way?

Some say that women are driven into prostitution by virtue of poverty and desperation, and that is, indeed, sometimes the case—it certainly is the case in underdeveloped countries and places where women are still treated as property. Also, psychologists tell us that some women turn to prostitution because they were sexually abused as children, and their self-esteem has been shattered.  These women actually believe they deserved to be punished.  I wholeheartedly agree that for women who have undergone the horror of sexual abuse this is likely the case.   Still, there are women who fall outside these extremes.  Therefore, the deeper question is this: why would women living in a free and prosperous nation like ours to allow themselves to be used like nothing more than a blowup doll by men with whom they have no other relationship?

The most obvious answer and the one we really do not want to hear, is that selling one’s body for sex can be a very lucrative endeavor. There will always be men willing and anxious to participate, there is little or no overhead, and, as long as no one else finds out, there are no victims.  It’s fee for service, right?  Wrong.

Prostitution denigrates women—whether the women themselves think so, or not.  It provides a means for men to be unfaithful to their wives, and the prostitutes themselves are complicit in that unfaithfulness.  It can lead to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.  It is often linked to organized crime, sexual addiction, drug use, illegal gambling and racketeering.  It can result in subsequent physical violence against the prostitutes themselves.  It can lead to perpetuation of the lifestyle to the daughters of the prostitutes.

No matter how we try to make it right, prostitution is wrong.  Nothing good can come from it.  Does God consider it a sin?  Well, we know what Jesus said about the fidelity of marriage.  “What God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9 NRSV)  Therefore, any married man who engages a prostitute has been unfaithful to his wife.  Unmarried men who engage prostitutes, as well as the prostitute herself might be judged by God to be complicit in the sin of fornication.  My job is not to decide who has sinned, but to grant absolution to those who think they have, and who are genuinely remorseful.   My job is also to use Scripture to instruct people on how to live a life in right relationship with God, and to offer the Sacraments so that they can receive God’s grace as a means to sustain them.  My sincere hope and prayer is that all those involved in this recent event will find their way to God for such absolution, instruction and sustenance.